joe muto

Who’s the best cat in the United States? It’s you...

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:08:00 -0500

Who’s the best cat in the United States? It’s you Champer-damper! It’s you!

Whoa! The cat massage lady was on Letterman last night!

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 11:05:14 -0500

Whoa! The cat massage lady was on Letterman last night!:

Dave just basically made fun of her to her face the entire time.

A new statue of Barack Obama as a child has been unveiled in...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 17:36:00 -0500

A new statue of Barack Obama as a child has been unveiled in Jakarta, Indonesia, where Obama lived from age 6 to 10.

Haha… I love everything about this. The jacked-up shorts with the t-shirt tucked in, the disco medallion, the butterfly landing on his outstretched hand…

It's a slow day at work so I'm watching the entire first episode of Jersey Shore

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 13:25:39 -0500

Holy Christ: It’s hilarious. This has to be my favorite trashy TV show since Temptation Island.

It does make me slightly ashamed of my Italian heritage, however.

Joe to AT&T: Hurry Up

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 12:39:20 -0500

Joe to AT&T: Hurry Up

Oh man...

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 11:09:06 -0500

I thought that nothing could be dumber than yesterday’s Washington Post column complaining about Tiger’s white mistresses.

I was wrong.

Take it away, Elizabeth Gates of The Daily Beast:

Everyone’s thinking it but no one wants to talk about it: Is Tiger Woods into white women?

That’s the first paragraph. And it gets even stupider from there:

He went out, met a few girls, and got caught. Textbook prophesy for a young, attractive athlete. At least he didn’t beat his wife like Mike Tyson did.

Way to look on the bright side of things!

And here’s the capper — after spending 1000 words talking about Tiger Woods, she tells us not to talk about Tiger Woods:

We live in a complicated world, driven by human desire. The only people who need to wag their finger in Tiger’s face live in his own home. The rest of us simply need to tuck the tabloids back on the shelf and focus on our own lives.

Finally, for good measure, she throws in a snappy non sequitur to end the piece:

You never know, his lovely wife could have cheated first. After all, blondes have more fun.

Well done Daily Beast. Well done.

"I’ve got a smile on my face. I don’t smile naturally."

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 23:31:39 -0500

““I’ve got a smile on my face. I don’t smile naturally.””

- Sen. Jay Rockefeller (D-WV), one of the most prominent liberals in the Senate, on the new deal that drops the public option in favor of a Federally-regulated exchange of non-profit health insurance programs, plus allows people aged 55 to 64 to buy into Medicare.

If he’s happy with the deal, then House liberals are likely to back it to. We just made a giant leap toward health care reform people.

gifparty: Ron fucking Swanson…

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 23:18:15 -0500

gifparty:

Ron fucking Swanson…

I think I might slit my wrists...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:33:35 -0500

…because I just heard the song “Christmas Shoes” on the radio. What a fucking depressing Christmas song.

I can’t even change the channel because the radio in my gym’s locker room only gets reception on one station - the one that plays Delilah.

Why is this horrible woman on the radio? Who is voluntarily listening to this tripe?

Report: John Malkovich and Anne Hathaway up for The Vulture and Black Cat in Spider-Man 4

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:22:00 -0500

Report: John Malkovich and Anne Hathaway up for The Vulture and Black Cat in Spider-Man 4:

Ooh, good casting. But Spidey 3 was such a disaster. Can they pull this franchise back from the precipice?

UPDATE (5 min later) — This is not promising:

[Hathaway] is currently the top choice for Felicia Hardy, who’d been long-rumored as one of the new characters in this installment… However, unlike in the comic books, this Felicia Hardy doesn’t transform into the Black Cat. Instead, Raimi’s Felicia will become a brand-new superpowered figure called the Vulturess.

Okay, that’s stupid.

What’s next? Why not just give MJ powers and a costume and call her Mrs. Spider-Man?

Washington Post columnist disappointed Tiger didn't bang any minorities

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:18:05 -0500

Washington Post columnist disappointed Tiger didn't bang any minorities:

I know it’s tough churning out several columns a week, but this is just silly:

No offense to anyone who actually looks like Barbie, but it really is striking how much the women who’ve been linked to Woods resemble one another. I’m talking about the long hair, the specific body type, even the facial features. Mattel could sue for trademark infringement.

This may be the most interesting aspect of the whole Tiger Woods story — and one of the most disappointing. He seems to have been bent on proving to himself that he could have any woman he wanted. But from the evidence, his aim wasn’t variety but some kind of validation…

But the world is full of beautiful women of all colors, shapes and sizes — some with short hair or almond eyes, some with broad noses, some with yellow or brown skin. Woods appears to have bought into an “official” standard of beauty that is so conventional as to be almost oppressive.

His taste in mistresses leaves the impression of a man who is, deep down, both insecure and image-conscious — a control freak even when he’s committing “transgressions.”

I think he’s adding a racial component where there is none. True, Tiger’s wife is whiter than white; but a lot of his mistresses were swarthy brunettes.

I think a more obvious explanation was that Tiger enjoyed cheating with whoever was available and convenient. In this case, that happened to be mostly random girls who worked at high end nightclubs. The fact that all those girls turned out to be white and skinny with big boobs probably says a lot more about the nightclubs than it does about Tiger.

Kat and I at a Christmas party over the weekend. I got that...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 13:36:56 -0500

Kat and I at a Christmas party over the weekend.

I got that shirt at K-Mart, which didn’t have any Christmas sweaters for sale, but apparently had plenty room on its racks for a t-shirt with a double entendre about Santa’s genitals.

Sarah Palin's father: She left school in Hawaii because "Asians made her uncomfortable"

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:01:44 -0500

Sarah Palin's father: She left school in Hawaii because "Asians made her uncomfortable":

Whoa, Grandpa Heath, you’re a little off-message there:

“Hawaii was a little too perfect,” Palin writes. “Perpetual sunshine isn’t necessarily conducive to serious academics for eighteen-year-old Alaska girls.” Perhaps not. But Palin’s father, Chuck Heath, gave a different account to [Scott] Conroy and [Shushannah] Walshe [authors of ‘Sarah From Alaska’]. According to him, the presence of so many Asians and Pacific Islanders made her uncomfortable: “They were a minority type thing and it wasn’t glamorous, so she came home.”

Hey, let's take Kristin Wiig's most annoying character and give her a Christmas special!

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:53:03 -0500

I don’t like this at all:

Kristin Wiig’s recurring character Gilly might not seemed filled with holiday cheer, yet NBC is turning to her to host a “Saturday Night Live” Christmas special.

“SNL Presents: A Very Gilly Christmas” will air Dec. 17 at 8 p.m. The two-hour special, the first for “SNL” since 2002, will be led by Wiig’s Gilly, an ever-smiling Annie-lookalike who delights in violent mischief.

Damn. I hate SNL’s tendency to take one character and completely overuse it. Kristin Wiig is possibly the most talented woman to ever appear on SNL, but the Gilly character is one-note and annoying.

But I’ll still be watching this special for a pretty good reason:

Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin will also make guest appearances on the special to help introduce clips they’ve appeared in as hosts, including Baldwin in “NPR’s Delicious Dish and the Schweddy Balls” and Martin in “A Holiday Wish.”

Cracked.com: 6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 11:19:49 -0500

Cracked.com: 6 Adorable Cat Behaviors With Shockingly Evil Explanations:

(via thedailywhat)

I knew my cat was an asshole, but I didn’t know the full extent of it:

Some cats intentionally leave their crap uncovered or in conspicuous locations (such as on a doormat or in your sister’s bed) in order to communicate to us that they are the dominant member of the household, and that this territory is theirs.

In the wacky world of feline politics, feces act as little, smelly flags that clearly dictate the boundaries of each cat’s domain. In the wild, these flags are intended to be seen, and smelled, by other cats, a sign that this is the stomping grounds of a badass kitty.

Golf Magazine: During a timeout at the Houston...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:50:38 -0500

Golf Magazine: During a timeout at the Houston Texans/Jacksonville Jaguars football game Sunday, a blonde with a golf club chased a Tiger mascot wearing a red shirt and Nike hat.

This Tiger situation has become the most horrific celebrity meltdown in history, hasn’t it? There are new revelations almost every hour now, each one worse than the last, with no end in sight. I’m almost starting to feel bad for him.

Almost.

But then I remember that he’ll probably just dry his tears on a huge wad of $100s, and drown his sorrows in the cleavage of some eager 19-year-old coatcheck girl, and I stop feeling sorry for him.

Office Space star suing Wikipedia for failing to block gay allegations

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 00:38:57 -0500

Office Space star suing Wikipedia for failing to block gay allegations:

Because everyone knows that the best way to make an Internet rumor go away is to file a lawsuit over it.

Photo

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:21:57 -0500

thedailywhat: Wall Clock Design Concept of the Day: This clock,...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:51:00 -0500

thedailywhat:

Wall Clock Design Concept of the Day: This clock, featured at Art Basel Miami Beach 2009, is actually an LCD screen playing footage on a 12-hour loop of a man drawing hands on a clock face to correspond with the time. [via.]

I would totally buy this.

Looks pretty normal at first glance, until you spot...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 17:43:36 -0500

Looks pretty normal at first glance, until you spot Santa’s left hand.

(via sketchysantas)